Update: Through a mutual friend I was able to find Lawrence, share this blog post with him, and say sorry. Thankfully, he doesn't remember the incident. Also thankfully, he forgave me. And, yes, he is LGBTQ+, and happily so.
Lawrence was a boy I went to school with in the 1960s and 70s.
Lawrence was a boy I went to school with in the 1960s and 70s.
He was different from other boys in junior high. He wasn't into sports. He was quiet, soft and gentle.
So
of course we called him “faggot.”
We
really had no idea what the word meant, or what was involved in being one.
But we knew it was bad—our parents and churches told us so. And we were sure that Lawrence was one.
But we knew it was bad—our parents and churches told us so. And we were sure that Lawrence was one.
But was he?
We didn’t know. But we knew he was different. So we used that word to torment and isolate him, making him feel unwanted and alone.
We didn’t know. But we knew he was different. So we used that word to torment and isolate him, making him feel unwanted and alone.
All these years later I still have a picture in my mind of Lawrence sadly
walking away from a pack of jeering boys, head down, headed home.
Why
am I thinking about Lawrence, all these years later?
I'm thinking about him because of what I have been reading about what life is like for many LGBTQ+ teens today.
Current statistics are hard to find, but research indicates many LGBTQ kids feel unsafe.
A 2011 study found that 64% of Canadian LGBTQ+ students were afraid for their safety in school, and 21% had been physically harassed there.
I'm thinking about him because of what I have been reading about what life is like for many LGBTQ+ teens today.
Current statistics are hard to find, but research indicates many LGBTQ kids feel unsafe.
A 2011 study found that 64% of Canadian LGBTQ+ students were afraid for their safety in school, and 21% had been physically harassed there.
Another study found LBGTQ+ youth are at a higher risk of suicide than straight kids.
A third found LGBTQ+ youth from churchgoing homes are at the highest risk of self-harm and suicide—something that might give religious opponents of LGBTQ+ inclusion and welcome some pause.
For me, it all adds up to wanting to find ways to make sure kids today don't have to go through what Lawrence did.
As for Lawrence, I don’t know where he is today. I don’t know what happened to him, if he is alive or dead.
As for Lawrence, I don’t know where he is today. I don’t know what happened to him, if he is alive or dead.
But if I could see him again, I would say I’m sorry.
Sorry for the way we treated him, for the ideas that led to his isolation, for the thoughtlessness we all displayed.
That I displayed.
And I would tell him I am doing everything I can to make sure nobody else goes through what he
did ever again.
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